I am not a diva & I dont aim to be!!

Not a diva!!;)

When I see shutterbugs, I wonder how stars handle them with ease. I recently got engaged and mine was an Indian ceremony. You can fairly imagine a colorful ceremony, huge gathering, would be bride in the most exquisite attire, attention from all corners. I could really handle all of it but the shutterbugs. The moment I got out of my dressing room and advanced towards my man, the photographer,crowd,infinite flashes & a lot of shutter noises shut me up. I was almost a runaway bride. The vision went blank, I got tempered, my ears were smoky and I remember trying to be vocal but couldn’t speak. I was numb and lost confidence. Thanks to my man, who could see it happening and asked the photographer to stop. It calls for a lot of courage to go paparazzi if, like me, you are not a delicate societal rose, but a wild dancing daisy.

I am a kid in the body of 27.I still chase butterflies. I hop on my bed, from my bed, fall down and squeal. I look out for squirrels and I enjoy the tweeting birds. I get excited when I find my old stickers .I love collecting badges. I still want to stay cool you know. I am mostly animated .I am always curious and I have a lot of questions. I like to risk up and turn left when I know I have to trek right. My eyes shine when I see sugar candies. I cry if I lose in video games. I spend sleepless nights over building scores. I believe in fairies and want to be a Peter pan. I look into the mirror and make funny faces, I like scaring people and I love those late night ghost story that gives me a goose bump. The moment I see sand, I start building castles. I dress like Ninja Turtles and action- pose.I dont walk,i cant cat walk,I hop,skip and jump. I am still the Alice with a wonderland, where everything is bright, fair and fun!!

But my world shatters in their presence. I shut. I suffocate. I want to shun away from those expecting eyes. I fear restricted actions. The rules that might chai,  me scare the shit out of me. I hate when they look at me to gauge when they can click. I hate when they try to capture “what’s not” in me. I hate to see myself fake with a right arm on my waist and left screwed on my lip. I hate that feeling of being somebody’s puppet show. I hate the smile with no twinkle in the eye. I hate when I feel like a product for visual merchandising. I don’t want the crowd and be their leader, I don’t want to be a diva, but I want a world where I can be liberated. And in that world I don’t mind looking ugly.

To my photographer friends, at least let the photographs speak the truth. Let’s capture everything that exists. I don’t want to be captured like a waxed doll with feature correction. I love my distorted nose, lips with no pout and eyes with no kohl. Believe me everything has beauty. Silence is as enticing as clatter is. A moan speaks an equally interesting story as is whispered by a smile.

Anjali